Ask Your Dad Blog

Thursday, July 28, 2016

'The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff' Is Just as Horribly Sexist as You Think It Will Be - Updated with Author Response

Today is my daughter's sixth birthday. Let me tell you a little bit about her. She looks out for herself and others. She is a leader. She gets in a group of people and makes them feel important. She never says "look what I did," she says "look what we did." She looks at the world in ways I didn't even know existed. She is everything that is good and right about the world, and I am confident that there is no ceiling, glass, concrete or plate-metal, that can keep her from leaving her mark on the world.

This morning we took her to breakfast for her birthday. Her grandpa gave her a crisp twenty-dollar bill to spend on whatever she would like. At the front of the restaurant is a small gift shop with a selection of books. That is where she found "The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff" written by, of course, a male named Bart King.

Here is the vomit inducing Amazon Description :

Girls can be a mystery-even to themselves. Sometimes girls just need a little guidance and know-how. They get that and more with Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff. Acclaimed author Bart King delves into the secret world of girls-with the help of his five sisters and fifty other girls, of course. 

Girls can: 

Take the Friend Test to see how their friends rate. 
Discover their celebrity name! 
Learn the greatest, super-duper amazing diet of all time! 
Figure out why boys do annoying things. 

Fashion, friends, and fun stuff-everything is covered in this volume petite enough to fit in any girl's purse.

The oh-so-helpful chapters to this conveniently purse sized tome of self-understanding for my daughter included, "Chapter 1 - Boys" and "Chapter 2 - Friends, Cliques, Secrets and Gossip." I took a couple gulps of air, choked back some profanities and came up with...

"Yeah, we're not getting that book."

"But says it is for girls."

Stevie stepped in. "Any time anything says it is just for girls or just for boys you should leave that thing where it is and go find another thing. This book is stupid."

"It's not nice to say stupid, mom."

"It may not be nice, but this time it is right."

She was right. The book was stupid.  The Boy version was just as stupid. Where girls got a chapter on boys, boys got a chapter on "experiments." Let me type that again so it can sink in. Boys got science. Girls got boys. What the EVER-LOVING F*CK?? Also.. let's not even start to unpack the "boy" chapter titled "weapons."

This book was not written in the 50's. It was written in 2009. Bart King is an actual person who thinks this shit is OK.

It is not OK.  I don't care how many of his sisters Bart asked.

I try not to get too riled up about the general stupidity of the world, but this really got to me. This waste of paper found its way into my daughter's birthday, just like crap like this is going to work its way into many of her days from here on out. I almost bought the book just to throw it away. I wish I could buy all sexist shit out there and throw it away. 

I shouldn't have to tell my daughter that girls are more than boys and gossip. That is not a lesson we should need to teach. 

My daughter is and will be more than boys and gossip. She may have to claw her way through a world of shitty pink books by shitty male authors to do it, but I have faith in her. Why? Because I see the strength of my wife in her, who is willing to call stupid things stupid. I see the resolve of her grandmas in her, who have shown her what a lifetime of work and dedication can build. And most of all, I see her in her. She is a singular and self-contained ecosystem of awesome. She is the beginning of all things her. 

On the car ride home from breakfast I mentioned that for the first time ever, a girl is very close to becoming President of the United States. She shrugged it off as if it were as normal as the orange juice she had with breakfast. 

I like that. I like a world where pink purse books are stupid and women presidents are normal. 

Happy birthday, daughter. The world is yours. It's not perfect yet, but you're helping.


Bart King, the author of The Pocket Guide to Girl Stuff read this blog post and reached out to me with a nice e-mail. I think it is only fair to give him a chance to reply to this post. I asked him if I could publish our email exchange, and he was kind enough to say yes. So here you go!


Dear John,

You caught my attention with the title of this blog post, but I was a little surprised at your analysis of the two books in question.

The primary reason for my surprise was that while you considered the books’ Tables of Contents and Amazon descriptions, you didn’t read them. If you had, it’s possible that you might have had a slightly different opinion.

As a history lover, I believe most people like having background. So: I taught middle school for 15 years, and still visit schools regularly. I love working with kids, and as a teacher, I was in charge of my school’s reading program. Getting kids excited about reading was then (and still is) my primary professional goal.

And what I want for ALL of my students and readers is for them to be empowered, educated, and entertained.

In 2002, I was contacted by an editor about writing a book for middle-schoolers. She’d worked with me on a previous project and wondered if I had any ideas about appealing to reluctant readers.

I did.

In fact, I’d been waiting for someone to ask this, without even realizing it. The bulk of my reluctant readers were boys, and over the years, my colleagues have had the same experience. While that is anecdotal, studies show that this gender distinction in reading is the case nationwide. This is what led author Jon Scieszka (aka, the First National Ambassador of Young People’s Literature) to start his literacy program, Guys Read:

The question I asked myself: “Can I write a book so irresistible, boys who are reluctant readers will find it engaging?”

The Big Book of Boy Stuff (2004) was my answer to that question. And I was surprised when my editor then asked to write The Big Book of Girl Stuff. After all, I’m the wrong guy to write that book — as is every EVERY guy.

So I declined the offer.

But my editor asked if I let my students off the hook so easily when they were presented with a writing assignment they didn’t think they could do.

“Humph,” I thought. And despite my gender disenfranchisement, two things made writing the book possible:

1. I got a lot of help (as described below).
2. I took a leave-of-absence from teaching to devote myself to doing the best job I could on Girl Stuff full time.

Perhaps it’s worth mentioning that the CEO of the book’s publisher is a woman. And I'm almost certain that every one of The Big Book of Girl Stuff’s editors, designers and publicists (and the book’s artist) were women as well.

Anyway, I asked 55 of my former female students (most of whom were in high school and college at the time) to help contribute to, edit and proofread every chapter in the book. The vast majority of my ideas came from interviews and correspondence with those young women—as well as from my five sisters (whose input you were happy to wave off).

Girl Stuff came out in 2006. The two pocket guides you saw are adapted versions of The Big Book of Girl Stuff and The Big Book of Boy Stuff. Keep in mind, those source books are sizable, and contain a wide range of material. Both books have heaping amounts of material on topics that have nothing to do with gender, for example, gross stuff, humor, activities, sports, practical jokes, etc.

Now, as to the book covers and tables of contents: I didn’t have final say over what material would go into these two pocket guides in question. I didn’t have “first” say, either. I wasn’t asked.

This is unfortunate, because a quick glance at their table of contents do not perfectly capture the tone, contents, and messages of their respective books. And some of the most seemingly gender-normative material did go into The PocketGuide to Girl Stuff. (I write “seemingly” because it’d appear that way after a glance at the ToC.)

As to the actual covers, when I learned Girl Stuff would be pink, I howled in disbelief. After all, I wrote a section in the book about how foolish and arbitrary these gender-based color distinctions are! (I also write about the history on this topic—for example, at the start of the 20th century, pink was considered a “boy” color, because it was the watered-down version of the oh-so manly red.)

Anyway, as with the pocket guide contents, the cover decisions were made inside my publisher’s marketing department.

So hopefully you’re getting an idea of how a “sh***y pink book” written by a “sh***y male author” came to be. Which reminds me of a conversation that took place in one of my middle school classes.

STUDENT ONE: Is it sexist to tell someone they can’t write something because of their gender?

(So maybe your statement should be amended to a “sh***y pink book” written by a “sh***y author”? ☺ )

John, since you mentioned the President of the United States, I’ll point out that the second chapter in Girl Stuff (“Girl Power!”) is about women in leadership. In it, I point out the then current numbers of female senators, representatives, governors, and so forth. And obviously, I dwell on the lack of a female president to date. However, I was happy to this week update that passage to:

“In the United States, there are 100 senators. Yet as of 2016, we’ve never had more than 20 female senators at any one time. There are 50 governors. But there have never been more than six female governors at any one time. There are 435 U.S. representatives. But there have never been more than 84 female representatives. So what’s going on?

“It gets worse. The odds that a boy will grow up to be the president of the United States are about 10 million-to-1. But until Hillary Clinton was elected in 2016, the odds for a girl to become president were infinity-to-1. What a rip-off!”

This change will be reflected in the book’s next printing, early next year. (And yes, I’m confident about —and happily anticipating— the election results.) And since books can be altered and edited as the years pass, I’ve been lobbying for other changes as well, including ones discussed here.

Finally, I’d like to address something else, John. On the occasions that an author writes something that I think I disagree with, I write to them. I do this for a variety of reasons, but mostly it’s in the interest of discourse. (This also explains why I read a book before I write about it.)

The way that you chose to express yourself  — with an incensed blog entry — is another way to go. It’s a great way to express your free speech, though in terms of consciousness raising or starting a productive dialogue, it something to be desired.

After reading your reader comments, I have to wonder if what you were really trying to do was publicly “shame” me over the Internet. I don’t know for certain if that was your intent, so I’ll hold off on the “torches and pitchforks” jokes. Still, it’s enlightening to read Mari’s message that I’m “the perfect example of what’s wrong with society.” Really? I’ve been really off-base by being a lifelong proponent of gun control? A Sierra Club member since high school? A volunteer for Start Making A Reader Today? A guy who rides his bike as much as possible to reduce carbon emissions? Okay, enough already.)

Also of interest is the message from a visitor who senses “a new Amazon review” coming on. Sheesh, I wonder where she got the idea or reviewing a book she hasn’t read? :P

In closing, I’ll just say there are countless cases where the “shaming” approach has gone wrong, sometimes in really unfortunate ways. (Jon Ronson’s book, So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, provides an interesting analysis of this phenomenon.)

I hope I’ve expressed myself in a thoughtful and even-handed manner.


Bart King

Bart King 


Hi Bart, 

Thanks for the kind and thought out e-mail. You're right.  I didn't read the whole book, but I did thumb through the chapters and read more than the chapter titles. I was not impressed with what I read, and when I saw the description on Amazon I was even more sure that a deeper reading was not required. But hey, I have been wrong before and am open to that. If you would like me to do a thorough reading and a longer review, I'd be happy to give the books a second look and write another post. I'm not going to purchase it, but if you have review copies available feel free to send one my way. Perhaps there is more inside that I missed.

That said, I think criticism of the way the book is presented and organized was fair, even if it was angry. A guide for girls organized by gossip, boys, beauty, hair, and shopping? Come on man. You've got to know that is shoehorned, stereotypical, and yes... sexist. Dieting?? Ugh... sorry. Getting riled up again. 

Anyway... your points about public shaming, how I choose to express myself, and my incensed blog entry are fair and well received. My intent was to vent my displeasure with the books, not to shame you personally. I can see how it came across poorly and apologize for any pitchfork pokes that came your way. You seem like a nice guy, and your taking the time to reach out only drives that point home. Also, I agree -  Ronson's book is excellent.

If you would like, I would be happy to add our correspondence to the end of the post and mark it as updated. I think you have a right to defend yourself, and to call me out for rushing to judgement. Let me know. 

Thanks again, 



We emailed back and forth a few times after that, but this was the meat of our exchange. He is sending me a full copy of the book, and I will be sure to follow up with any new and exciting revelations. Thanks for reading!


Sunday, June 19, 2016

How to Be a Dad

The first part is easy, unless it's not. Which honestly, sets the tone for the rest of it. Fear comes next. Then excitement. Then fear.

Rinse. Repeat.

Next you start asking yourself questions you never thought you'd ask. Am I enough for them? Can I be enough? What can I do to be enough? Was that enough? Will this be enough? Those questions never stop either, but don't worry. They pair nicely with the fear from the first paragraph. Next thing you know, they're older. There're two of them. One toddler, one in grade school. 

You're older too.

You look at yourself in the mirror and it is still just you. You're still just a kid. You're still worried about what people think of you. You're still worried about kid things. But also money and food and making sure your kid's don't have eyes that are full of worry like the ones you're looking at in the mirror. 

You close your eyes and hope when you open them again you will see a dad looking back, not a kid with graying hair. When you open them you're still there. 

"Dad! I need to go potty!" There is a tiny hand pounding on the door. 

Splash some water on your face. Go make lunch. Peanut butter and jelly. One kid likes triangles, the other one wants rectangles. One wants milk. One wants water, no ice please. Next, gold fish crackers and a string cheese. Pick two plates that are the same color. This will result in less fighting over who has the blue plate. Sit with them and ask them about their week. 

"Annie wasn't being nice. She was tattling on everyone and she told me she wasn't my best friend."


After lunch, wrestle. You are a dinosaur now too. Attack, softly. When you flip him upside down place your hand below the back of his head so it doesn't smack against the hardwood. He doesn't know you're doing this. He thinks you're wrestling hard. He fights against you, pushes you over. Yells RAAAAAWRRRR! 

Your daughter joins too. She is a pirate with a paper tube sword. She jumps into the tangle of laughs and screams, lands a blow across the side of your face and pauses in fear to see if she hurt you. 

She didn't. You smile and tackle her. Remember the hand behind the head. Remember to be fierce AND soft. Remember to be a dad. 

You are a T-Rex. He is a Steggysaurus. She is a pirate. 

You are a dad. 

After wrestling, he is coloring at the table. She is quiet and sitting by the window. 

"Hey honey. Are you OK?"

She's not. You can see the tears in there. 

"Annie said she wasn't my best friend."

Find words. Dads need words. You need to explain to her that Annie may have not have meant that. Explain that Annie is a kid, like her, and sometimes says things that she doesn't mean. Some kids are just mean. Some kids, like some adults just suck. Quick, find words to fix the tears that are starting to come out. Find words to make her better. Find words that will be enough. Will these be enough?

"Come here."

And you hug her. And you don't have words. You don't have anything but a grown up chest to pull her into, and hand to hold the back of her head while she makes little first-grade sobs that will leave a tiny teared face mark on your shirt. 

That is what have, that and your questions. Is it enough? Are you enough?

Later, after a dinner with chicken nuggets and same-colored plates and milk and water without ice, it is time for bed. Your wife takes the boy and you take the girl. She needs to brush her teeth. You need to show her. Front, back, top and bottom. 

"Dad! I have a loose tooth?"

"Oh yeah?" Wiggle it. It's not loose.

"Maybe. Let's give it some time. Hop in bed," you say.

"Can we play the story game?"

The "story game" is something you made up. She starts a story and then tags you in. You keep the story going for a bit and then tag her in, and so on and so forth until the story comes to its conclusion -  usually with a party or a wedding or everyone getting eaten by a dinosaur.

"You start this time, daddy."

"Once upon a time there was a boy... OK, you're turn."

"No, keep going," she says.

"OK. Once upon a time there was a boy who was sad."

"Why was he sad?"

"Oh, just because sometimes people are sad."

"OK, keep going."

"So the boy decided to go on adventure to find his happy. He went to the desert and climbed mountains. He put ropes on and went into caves. He drove his car all over and lived in exciting places. He slept under a different sky every night."

"Was it enough? Was he happy?" She already knows the answer.

"Not yet, but soon. One day he met someone. A kind and friendly girl who looked at the world like it was exciting and new. OK you're turn."

"And then they got married. I know this story. You're turn." 

"You're right. And then they got married."

"And then they made a baby, and that baby was me."

"We made you out of love."

"I know dad. You told me."

"I know. It's my favorite story. It's how a became a dad." you say. 

"I'm glad you're my daddy."

"Me too, kiddo."

"And then they all got eaten by a dragon. The end."

She giggles. You tickle her. She giggles more.



You go upstairs where kid two is asleep. You kiss him on the forehead, and go to look for the kind and friendly girl who tied you to the world and kept you from flying away. She's downstairs reading. 

"He go down OK?" You ask. 

"Yep. Did she?"

"Yep. Let's go to bed. I'm tired."

"Me too."

Go to the bathroom. Brush your teeth. Splash some water in your face. It's still you in the mirror. 

This is how to be a dad: 

Wake up. Do your best. Find the words when you can. Hug when you can't. Be a soft dinosaur. Tell stories. Be a team. Be enough. 

Rinse. Repeat. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

9 Summer Vacation Tips from My Daughter's Kindergarten Teacher

Day 1

Thursday was Duchess's last week of Kindergarten. It all went so fast. She has grown and changed so much since Stevie and I first walked her to the door of the school, watched her line up, and march into her new school in an adorable orderly line. I'm sure I was more nervous than she was.

But I shouldn't have been. She had Mrs. Johnson.

Mid-way through the school year I got the opportunity to volunteer in my daughter's class. It was fun to watch my little girl and her friends interact and play, but my favorite part of the experience was getting to see Mrs. Johnson handle a room full of five and six-year-olds.

In my life I have seen people fly planes. I have seen captains steer ships. I have never seen a person direct a symphony of potential chaos and energy in the calm, kind fashion that Mrs. Johnson handled those kids. I like to pat my own back for what a great kid my daughter is, but I realized that day that I had a ringer on my side. Teachers are so amazing.
Anyway... when the end of the year came around I wanted to send her a note of thanks and glean any additional knowledge I could from her. So I sent her the following e-mail.

Hi Mrs. Johnson,
This is John, Duchess's dad. I wanted to send you a quick e-mail thanking you for all of the wonderful experiences Duchess has had in your class this year. It has been a rewarding experience for all of us. She has just blossomed over the past months, and listening to her read to me before bed is consistently the highlight of my day. Thank you so much for all of your hard work. It is obvious how much you care about our daughter, and I hope you know how fond she is of you. We love hearing the stories she brings home.
With the summer coming, I'd love to get the chance to chat with you a little bit about how we can keep up the momentum you've established. Duchess is coming out of your class with a love or numbers, reading, and learning in general. I want to make sure we continue to foster the learning-positive environment in our home that you have set up in your class. I'd be incredibly grateful for any advice, guidance or suggestions you might have. I'd be happy to stop by and chat any day this week if you have time. If not, I understand how busy the end of the year can be. 
Thank you again for a wonderful year, and for playing such a pivotal role in our daughter's education. The other day I asked her if she was excited for summer vacation. She paused for a second, then replied "I'm excited I get to be in first grade, but I am sad that I won't be in Mrs. Johnson's class anymore." 
Stevie and I both feel the same way. 
Thank you. 
Stevie and John

Today I received her reply, and it has so many great suggestions I just had to share it here.

Dear John,
Thank you for your kind words. I loved having your daughter in class this last year. She is a sweetheart!
I have a few ideas for your darling daughter for the summer. Keep her reading and writing! 
  1. Let her get her own Library card and go to the Library often. They have a section of easy readers for children learning to read. You could also read one of your favorite books to her and discuss it to build comprehension skills. She could draw a picture and write a sentence about her favorite part. The Library also has summer programs she can participate in.
  2. Give her many opportunities to learn and experience new things. You could go on small field trips around the valley. Talk about what she sees and learns.
  3. Get her a journal or notebook to draw pictures and write about her experiences. Don’t worry about her spelling everything correctly. Do have her capitalize and punctuate. Help her sound out the words. You could teach her the silent e or -ing rules if she asks for help. This should not be a chore but a fun way to remember the fun she has over the summer.
  4. I sent her Lexia number home the last day of school. She can continue to play reading games on the web site all summer. It will give her challenging learning opportunities at her level.
  5. The district web site has a link for extra learning opportunities. If you click on the parents tab there is an A-Z directory. Click on Homework Helps for some web site ideas.
  6. There is a web site I like called Happy Hooligans that has fun crafts and learning activities.
  7. You might create an account with Teachers Pay Teachers and download learning activities. There are many core aligned sets and many of them are free.
  8. Costco often has workbooks. So does the dollar store.
  9. Teach her some new skills. She can go to Home Depot on Saturday mornings and build things in a program they have for kids. She could help plant a garden and learn about different plants. She could learn how to read a recipe and make cookies. Let her talk about the steps in order for each activity.

Let her help choose the activities and have a fun summer!
Mrs. Johnson
So there you have it! So many good ideas! I am so grateful for all the love and hard work Mr's Johnson gave to our daughter. I know public schools get a bad rap sometimes, but I can't imagine a better Kindergarten experience than the one she gave our family.

This morning, as with most mornings, Duchess came up and crawled into bed with Stevie and I when the sun came up. Half asleep I heard her say "Dad, I don't have Kindergarten today."

"Nope, you're on summer vacation."

"When is summer vacation over? I want to go back to school."

If that's not the best review a kid can give, I don't know what is.

Last Day!
If you enjoyed this post I would honored if you would share it. If you hated it, I would still be pretty stoked if you shared it with a comment like "Look at how horrible this post is." You can also come be nice or mean to me on Facebook!

Monday, June 13, 2016

Me and Stairs and Health and Metamucil

I have partnered with Life of Dad and Meta Wellness for this promotion. The delicious orange flavored fiber supplement was theirs, the opinions and words are mine. Well, except for the words that are my dad's. Those are his. 

Every once in a while, usually after I finish walking up a few flights of stairs, I pause and think “What if my heart literally exploded right now?” Then I step away from the top of the stairs because I don’t want heart attack me to fall down the stairs.

My health ebbs and flows. Sometimes I’m training for marathons, sometimes I am extra super fat with a side of peanut butter. OK, I trained for one marathon… but I’m leaving the s on the first marathon because it looks good there.

My point is that sometimes I think about my health and other times I don’t. And sometimes those times that I don’t think of my health come to a head at the top of three flights of stairs with thoughts of my heart exploding like a loyal horse sprinting across the desert… only I am not in the desert. I am at the top of stairs.

“I need to do something for my health.”

The funny thing and slightly coincidental thing is, I had also recently been challenged by the good people at Meta Wellness and Life of Dad to have a conversation with my Dad about health. I say slightly coincidental, because it really wasn’t that much of a coincidence. I think about being more healthy pretty much every day, so this Meta Campaign sinking up with that was about as lucky as throwing a dart at a barn and hitting it.

Anyway, before I get to the conversation with my dad, I’d like to stop for a second and tell you about our sponsor, Metamucil.

This Metamucil. The one I am holding.
Metamucil is a daily fiber supplement that I was not really looking forward to trying until I did and I realized it is actually quite tasty especially in the orange flavor. It does a couple other cool things besides taste good too.

Mainly it makes your poop softer and easier to come out. The nicer way to say that is it promotes digestive health, but this is a parenting blog and we talk about poop sometimes.

Honestly, being more regular is enough of a bonus for me, but Meta also has other health benefits, including helping maintain healthy blood sugar levels, and lowering cholesterol to promote heart health - which, you know, I need because I don't want my heart to explode... or just stop working. I need my heart.

Did I mention it also tastes good? Anyway, they’ve done science stuff and you can read more about it here . Also, they gave me a coupon to give you so you can try it out, which is here.

SO YEAH! I after the stair scare I decided to call my dad to talk about health. It went like this:

Me: Hey dad!

Dad: Are you ok?

Me: Yeah, why?

Dad: You sound out of breath.

Me: I just walked up three flights of stairs.

Dad: That’s it?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: Jesus. You sound like you’ve been running from zombies or something.

Me: Nope. Just stairs. I called to talk about health with you.

Dad: Sounds like I need to talk about health with you. I could still beat you up the side of a mountain.

Me: You could probably beat me up three flights of stairs.

Dad: That’s true. And you know how I do it?

Dad: Me: How?

Dad: I have a job that keeps me on my feet 8 hours a day and fast metabolism.

Me: Do you use Metamucil?

Dad: The Fiber Stuff?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: Sometimes. Tammy buys it for us.

Me: They sent me some extra for this blog post I am writing. Do you want any?

Dad: Sure. Bring it up next time you guys come.

Me: Sounds good. We didn’t talk about health that much.

Dad: I don’t know what to tell you, buddy. Exercise more. Eat less. Take vitamins. That Metamucil stuff will keep you regular. I hear that's important.

Dad: Me: Thanks Dad.

Dad: Oh, and John?

Me: Yeah?

Dad: Bring whiskey when you come up. They have a really bad selection in the liquor store up here.

Me: Deal. Love you, Dad.

Dad: Love you too bud. Don’t die on the stairs.

Me: I’ll try.

There you go. My health conversation with my dad full of snark and love and even a little whiskey. Hope you enjoyed it! By the way, I worked out for an hour this morning. I plan on doing it again tomorrow. I promise to try my best to keep my heart from exploding and falling embarrassingly down the stairs.

BONUS! I helped make this video. If you watch closely you can see me making chicken. Mmmmmm chicken.

Monday, June 6, 2016

35 Things I Have Learned in 35 Years

I'm old now, but I remember being this young.

Today is my 35th birthday, or... as my dad likes to put it "half-way to 70.” I don’t really feel old, but my head and beard full of gray hair say differently. (Thanks again dad.) 

If there is anything I have learned from getting older it's that at any individual point in the last 35 years I've known far less than I thought I did. Case in point: I once said that Oasis would be bigger than The Beatles. I know. The disappointment you are currently feeling towards me does not outweigh the shame I feel. 

What's worse is that even though I feel like I have a somewhat good handle on things now, in another decade or two I will probably look back at 35-year-old me and think “Wow, I really didn’t know anything about anything back then. I can’t believe I thought it was a good idea to write a list of things I thought I knew. Stupid 35-year-old John. You really shouldn’t have written that list.”

Oh well. Sorry future me. Here are 35 things I am pretty I am fairly sure about as I turn 35. I'm probably wrong about at least a few of them. Feel free to tell me which ones!
  1. Cynicism and sarcasm make for good jokes, but kindness and sincerity make for better friends.

  2. Don’t be the person that tells other people why they shouldn’t like what they like. Nobody likes that person.

  3. You’ll learn far more from considering the possibility that you might be wrong than you ever will from insisting you were right.

  4. The majority of internet fights are dumb and unproductive – even if you are right.

  5. Artisan ketchup is always horrible. Always.

  6. Never delete a picture of you and your kids because you don’t like the way you look in it. In a few years you will like the way you look in it. I promise.

  7. Going to bed angry is fine once in a while.

  8. Politics don’t matter nearly as much as you think they do, and they are never worth losing friends over.

  9. My career has never suffered from being very clear that my family is my top priority, but it has suffered from pretending they weren’t.

  10. The secret to happiness in life is clean socks.

  11. No matter what size you are, buy clothes that fit you - not clothes you wish fit you. If you are comfortable in your clothes you look happier and happy people are more attractive.

  12. If someone has hurt you, find a way to forgive them. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

  13. Sometimes my kids know more than me, if only because they see the world from the ground up.

  14. If Doritos sold their various flavors in bottles as seasoning I would probably be dead by now.

  15. There’s no statute of limitation on apologies, but if you are expecting forgiveness you are apologizing for the wrong reason.

  16. Some foods make you happy while you are eating them. Some foods makes you happy when you’re done. The best foods do both.

  17. Sometimes you should ignore your own advice and eat an entire pizza.

  18. No matter how right you think you are right now, fifteen years from now you will be surprised by how wrong you were. You should probably avoid writing advice lists.

  19. Facetime isn’t just an app on your iPhone. Go visit people. There is power in presence. Every conversation I have had while looking at a campfire or a horizon has been infinitely better than ones I’ve typed into a comment box.

  20. The facts are friendly. If a situation seems insurmountable, write down the facts. Everything is more manageable on paper. (Or Excel)

  21. If the question is “Should I put this on the Internet” the answer should almost always be “No.”

  22. Not caring if you are cool is exponentially better than actually being cool. One, you worry less, and two, you get to carry your own personal bottle of hot sauce around in a fanny pack!

  23. Being pale and covered with sunscreen is better than getting cancer.

  24. You can learn how to do 95% of basic home repairs on YouTube.

  25. Everyone feels like they faked their way into a new job. Do your best, ask questions, and just keep trying. For the most part, doing anything for 8 hours a day, five days a week, will make you good at it.

  26. Whenever possible, shut up and listen. Listen more than you talk. The smartest people I know also tend to be the quietest - and when they do talk, everyone listens.

  27. There are few better gifts than music and gratitude.

  28. Buying expensive whisky is not a good strategy for getting yourself to drink less whisky.

  29. Marshmallow Mateys are much better than Lucky Charms.

  30. Don’t flip people off while driving. Instead, use the “condescending thumbs up.” Nothing tells someone they messed up better than a passive-aggressive thumbs up.

  31. Never…ever… make life decisions within 5 minutes of stubbing your pinky toe on a door frame. In fact, don’t even talk to anyone. Just roll around on the floor and cry.

  32. If you see someone rolling around on the floor and crying while holding their pinky toe, “Are you ok?” is not the right thing to say. Nothing is the right thing to say. Just walk away and leave them to their world of pain. That is their life now.

  33. If you go into every day seeking out reasons to be mad, you will find them.

  34. Never be afraid to sing out loud, unless your windows are down.

  35. At the end of the day, you are the love you put into the world.
This picture.

One last note on perspective. I remember thinking when this picture was taken that I was the coolest kid in the world. For years after I hid the picture away, embarrassed not only by my ridiculous mullet and suit coat, but also in the confidence I had placed in my coolness. It is only now, 30+ years later that I am able to realize how cool I actually was. I may be old and fat and bearded and gray haired now, but I will always have a ridiculous mullet of happiness in my soul. And that makes me happy no matter what age I am. 

Thanks for reading! Want to give me a birthday present? I would be honored if you would like or share this post. And if you are so inclined, please come visit me on Facebook. We have a lot of fun on the Ask Your Dad Facebook Page

Friday, June 3, 2016

On Hikes and in the Park - We Tested the NETGEAR Rugged WiFi

I have partnered with Life of Dad  and NETGEAR and WiFi Family for this promotion!

Recently I teamed with Life of Dad and WiFi Family to try out their new WiFi hotspot, the AT&T Unite Explore by NETGEAR. It’s a rugged little box that functions as a wireless modem for up to 15 devices. We’re not quite to the 15 devices threshold in our family, but when it comes to the kids watching Netflix, Stevie working on her blog, and my occasional need to work remotely, it has been pretty great to have this little box around. Here’s a couple ways it came in handy over the weekend.

The Hike

On Saturday morning we decided to go hiking. I tossed the hot spot in one of the smaller pockets in my million pocket backpack and headed up the canyon. I also took a picture of it in the car… because why not.

The hike was a lot of fun. Duchess is really into identifying nature, and I am really into making up the names of things I don’t recognize in nature. So it works out well. Sure, her first nature biology class is going to be a little embarrassing, but until then that tree will forever be a “Magic Norwegian Elm.”

Midway through our hike, Duchess wanted to show one of the plants she found to her Grandma. Her grandma is in Oregon, but she wanted to call her on “The Facetime” to show her. Huzzah! A chance to use the hotspot!

I reached into the bag to get the WiFi box and through some sort of fumbled million pocket search managed to dump it onto the ground and halfway down a dirty embankment.

“Dad! Your black box thing!”

I went, grabbed it, dusted it off, and went back to show it to her.

“It’s not a black box thing. It is a water resistant, rugged mobile hotspot that allows you to connect up to 15 devices at a time and has up to 22 hours of battery life on a single charge.”

“Oh, cool!”

“By the way, did you know it has up to 22 hours of battery life in a single charge?”

“That is amazing!”

OK. All of that except the dialogue happened.

I dropped it. It was fine. She video chatted her Grandma to tell her about the Magic Norwegian Elm tree we saw. The hike was great. The kids got to convene with nature. On the way home we let them have the iPads. I have to admin, after the joy I experienced answering a million questions about nature, it was nice to experience a quiet connected ride home!

The Park

On Monday we got the chance to try it out again. It went almost exactly like this:

“Hey John, I was thinking about taking the kids to the park. Do you want to go?”

I did want to go. I wanted to not be in my office on my computer any more, but I had work to do. I know. I know. I shouldn’t be working on the weekends, and honestly, it is very rare. But I had work to finish before my meeting this morning.

“Sorry honey. I want to go, but I have work to finish up.” I replied.

“But John, we have the AT&T Unite Explore Mobile Hotspot! Remember?” Stevie said, pulling out the tiny box with its rubber case and durable screen.

“Oh, yea. I’d forgotten that we had it and were trying it out all weekend. Is that it there?” I said.

“Yep! This is the one! It has parental controls, a battery boost for your cell phone, and a nifty touch screen that let’s you monitor data usage, battery life and network connections. You could bring your laptop to the park! You don’t have to stay in the office!”

“That is a great idea!”



OK, not all of that happened either. I did have some work to finish though, and I was excited to give the hotspot a try at the park. Stevie played with the kids, and I played with an Excel Doc. When I was done we all played together, and since I was still connected to the Wifi I was able to stream a video of my kid almost falling off this evil spinny seat thing!


Bottom Line

All tongue-in-cheek sponsored content joking aside, if you’re looking for dependable WiFi for multiple devices, the AT&T Unite Explore by NETGEAR works great. You could fill a minivan with iPad watching kids and every one of them could be watching a different episode of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic… hopefully with headphones.

The things I liked about it was how simple it was to set up and connect to, how easy it was to change the password, and the timer function which allowed me to set it for 30 minutes and then shrug my shoulders and blame the hotspot when screen time was over.

Join me, a bunch of other dads and the Life of Dad Crew on June 7 for a fun twitter party! Info below!