5 Things I'd Forgotten About Having a Newborn

Coming home from the hospital wasn't nearly as scary this time. This wasn't my first rodeo. This was my second rodeo. Newborns aren't scary. Compared to a two year old, a newborn is just a cute paperweight with adorable, tiny poops and a tendency to fart and smile at the same time. If I can handle carrying a bowl of Cheerios and a screaming, back arching, 30-pound Duchess down two flights of stairs without killing us both, an eight-pound toothless meat ball should be a breeze. Or so I thought.

I suspect it was the sleep deprivation that occurred during our first week home with the Duchess, but somehow my brain selectively forgot (or downplayed) these five things about having a newborn in the house:

You thought this would be a breeze...

The Captain - A Birth Story

We have a baby boy!

His name is Captain Wedontsharehisnameontheinternetforsafetyreasons, and he is perfect. Stevie and I went into the hospital on Tuesday, waited a few hours for the operating room to open up, and then went to meet our little man. This is that story.

Comic: When a baby is screaming, every conversation is a fight...

Artwork by Adam White, courtesy of Jakob Marketing Partners

Potty Training is a Bunch of Crap

Yes, that's an iPhone. She takes after her dad.

We have two weeks (maybe less) to hopefully finish potty training The Duchess before baby number two gets here.  After that I'm on my own. Stevie will be preoccupied with healing from surgery and feeding The Captain and all potty training duties will fall to me. This is not a skill I possess.

This is my impression of me potty training my daughter: