Thursday, February 19, 2015

15 "I Have No Idea What I’m Doing" Moments in Parenting

The other night, while trying to stall as long as possible before going to bed, Duchess asked Stevie and I what sound a giraffe makes. This turned out to be a great bed-time stalling strategy because it is remarkably hard to find out what sound a Giraffe makes. The two of us spent a good 15 minutes on YouTube before we finally gave up and made up a Giraffe sound just so she would go to sleep. It wasn't a lie as much as it was an educated guess... which is a pretty good definition of our parenting journey thus far.

There are moments as a parent, when it is painfully obvious how little you know about what you are doing. You kind of just have to fake it till you make it. Later that night, the Giraffe night, Stevie and I decided to make a list of our favorite "WTF am I doing?" moments so far. Enjoy.

15 "I Have No Idea What I’m Doing" Moments in Parenting

1. When my son peed on my foot while I was on the phone with poison control because he ate diaper cream.

2. When my daughter asked about death and somehow walked away with the plot of “All Dogs Go to Heaven.”

There's... uhm... a road and some floating diamonds. 

3. When I threatened that my daughter wouldn't be allowed to see grandma until she took her nap… ten minutes before grandma walked in the door for a week-long visit.

4. When I told my daughter she couldn't have an apple because she’d barely touched her pizza.

5. When my daughter cried at Starbucks because I got her a chocolate milk and she wanted a soy milk steamer with a pump of chai.

6. When my son somehow got more poop on his sister than on himself.

7. When my daughter told me I didn't need to put her to bed because her imaginary friend Ghost would do it.

8. When my daughter cried because I told her she doesn't have a step-mom.

9. When our daughter poured an entire bottle of waterproof sunscreen on the carpet.

10. When my son decided to finger paint his walls with poop… for the third time that week. (We didn't take a picture. You're welcome.)

11. The first time either one of my kids looked at me and defiantly said “no.”

12. When my daughter told me that she loved string cheese more than me.

I mean, I guess I understand... but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

13. When my daughter handed me a dead bird she found in the back yard and asked me to "fix it."

14. When my daughter told me she was dressing her brother as a girl because I was supposed to give her a sister.

15. When the nurse at the hospital said, "Looks like the car seat is installed correctly. You are good to head home. Congratulations on your new family!"

What were your WTF am I doing moments? Leave us a comment! And then come join the conversation on the Ask Your Dad Facebook Page! 


  1. #8 was hilarious. Whole article is making me freak out slightly when my 2 year old grows up a bit.

    My first wtf moment probably came 60 hours into my son's life- he still hasn't slept yet for more than 8 minutes, and I found myself rocking an empty stroller as he lay in bed shrieking.

  2. Adult giraffes don't make noises.

  3. Way too funny! I know those WTF moments way too well myself. Luckily I never had to deal with my girls playing with poop. BLESSING! The latest WTF moment I had with my youngest (10 -yr old) was her saying she was going to get a drink before bed. (Silly me thought she was going to get water) I walk to the kitchen and catch her drinking pickle juice out of the Costco size jar. Kids! Gotta love em'

  4. Funny! Mine would be when my son vomited on me, head to toe. He was clearly sick, but ... vomit. Drenching vomit. On me!