February 2017 | Ask Your Dad Blog

Monday, February 27, 2017

Things We Tried - Do Your Part(ner) Follow Up!

This post is sponsored by my long-time friends at Plum Organics.

So a few weeks ago Stevie and I made a fun video and took the Plum Organics Pledge to Do Your Part(ner). The pledge wasn’t just to get jiggy with it (yes I just typed that) but also to make time for each other outside of our parenting responsibilities. Honestly, it was a nice reminder that we need to work harder to find time alone together. So, remaining completely PG, here are the actions that Stevie and I did over the last three weeks to find time to find each other, and their consequent reactions and results. Spoiler alert: Some worked. Some didn’t.
Action: We turned off the TV
It seems like such a simple thing, but tell that to someone who absolutely NEEDS to know who Nick sent home on The Bachelor. Still, despite my need to see who got sent home and whether it affected my standing in my Bachelor Fantasy League (It didn’t. I’m still losing), Stevie and I decided to turn the TV off and spend a night actually talking to each other. Reaction: My wife is really funny and smart and fun to talk to. With a little gentle prodding our talking muscles warmed up and we worked our way through discussions about our kids, family and friend gossip, future plans, who annoys us most on The Bachelor, and whether we should buy a new house. Result: We fell asleep like two kids talking about comic books at a sleepover. Yep. No nookie. I guess we are just too interesting. By the time we finished talking about ALL THE THINGS it was past midnight and as many of your know, married people don’t have sex past midnight or they turn into gremlins. Neither of us minded though. It was really nice to have such a long, uninterrupted conversation.

Action: We gave each other massages
Our box came with massage oil. We both like massages. It seemed like a perfect match. We cracked open the massage oil, put on some Enya and planned to each give the other a nice massage.

Reaction: Stevie fell asleep during her massage. Stupid Enya.

I don’t blame Stevie for this. You may have already heard, but we stayed up until midnight talking to each-other the night before and regardless of how late we decide to stay up, our kids’ internal alarms still go off at 6:30 AM every day. Pair that early rise with a full day of work, an evil snow-filled commute, rushing the kids to gymnastics, a post gymnastics living room dance party to the entire soundtrack to Moana, bed time stories, catching up on the Bachelor (that show REALLY does not need to be so long) and by the time we got to Enya and massage oils we were already half asleep.  The only reason she was the one who fell asleep was because she got to go first. I would have crashed too.

Result: I snagged a towel, cleaned off the flowery smelling back oil off of sleeping Stevie, and cuddled up for some much needed rest.
Action: We watched a bunch of porn.
Just kidding. We didn’t do that. I just thought it would be funny to freak you out. We did watch Notting Hill, which is kind of like cheesy emotional porn. We thought a romantic movie might be a nice beginning to an “us” night. To avoid falling asleep, we set the all the clocks forward an hour in the house and convinced the kids that it was their bed time when it was actually only seven. I know, we’re monsters. If it makes you feel any better, our plan totally backfired because when we moved our literal clocks back their internal clocks also moved back an hour… so 5:30 AM the next morning was just AWESOME. At least we got to watch our movie.

Reaction: I fell asleep 25 minutes into the movie.
Look. It wasn’t really my fault. My wife is an incredibly comfortable pillow. Not that she is big and pillowy… which would be fine too, but she is warm and she does this thing where she absent-mindedly runs her fingers through my hair and it’s just so damn relaxing. And let’s be honest, Notting Hill is basically the romantic-comedy equivalent of Enya. I mean, yeah sure. Hugh Grant is charming and British and Julia Roberts has a distractingly large mouth, but if you close your eyes and try to pay attention to the movie it is a giant yawn-fest. I was out before Rhys Ifans (the best part of the movie) made his underwear clad entrance.

Result: Once she noticed I was out, Stevie allowed herself to fall asleep too. We woke up on the couch at 5:30 AM to Netflix asking us if we were still there and our kids asking for Frosted Mini Wheats.  
Action: We got naked and hopped into bed
Don’t picture it. Don’t even reread the subheading. Just go back to laughing about Notting Hill. Pretend I didn’t say anything.

Reaction: This worked just fine. Funny how throwing two naked adults who love each other into a bed has that effect. Mission accomplished. We did our Part… ner. (I’m so sorry.)

Result: We both fell asleep after. It was perfect.
Anyway, thanks for tagging along for our PG sex talk. It was a really fun campaign and we appreciate Plum Organics for involving us. Sorry (not sorry) we didn’t make another baby-food eater.  

Oh! And the winners of the Do Your Part(ner) Boxes are…
  • Gabe Tononi
  • Laurie Drake
  • Melissa Barton
  • Baily Young
  • Mary Gordan
If one of these is you, check your email!

Friday, February 10, 2017

Stevie and John Talk about Sex, and Being Parents, and Kids, and Stuff [Video]

This post is sponsored by my long-time friends at Plum Organics.

So… yeah. A baby food brand asked me to create a post about sex. Why? (You and I both ask simultaneously?) Well, I believe the first reason is that sex means more babies and babies like baby food. Also, having worked for Plum for a couple years now discussing ALL the unfiltered realities of parenting, I can tell you that they care about parents being happy. And well… sex and sad don’t really pair.

Before saying yes I checked with Stevie to see if she was down for a little parent time sexy talk on the blog and she said fine as long as Plum doesn’t think we’re having another baby, because no sir/ma’am.

I talked about sex once on this blog and things got a little crazy. It was probably because I had kind of a click-baity title. The piece was called “Giving up on Sex” and honestly it was kind of a bait-and-switch. We weren’t really giving up on sex. The whole premise was that Stevie and I both felt so much pressure to keep up the physical intimacy portion of our marriage that the anxiety it was causing was seeping into and affecting other portions of our life. And it was hurting any drive we had to put the effort into being intimate. So we gave up on sex being an obligation or a chore. It worked out great… for awhile. Then it didn’t. Then it did. Bottom line there were a lot of internal and external factors that kept us from finding each other in intimate situations and sometimes just loving each other and waiting for it to happen was a great solution… and other times that was a dumb idea and we needed to put in the effort.

Which is why I’m stoked about this cheeky campaign with Plum. It is called Do Your Part(ner) and the whole point of the campaign is to empower parents to make time for their relationship and their partner, sans guilt. They’ve made a website with videos, expert resources, and some fun quirky humor. It's also a place to take a pledge to Do Your Part(ner).

To celebrate the launch of the campaign, Stevie and I interviewed each-other with some sexy time questions, and took the pledge together. We also opened our date-night box that Plum sent us! Anyway, check out the video and stay tuned until the end for a special announcement. (NO WE’RE NOT HAVING ANOTHER KID.)

OK, so the announcement is that if you go take the pledge and come back here to leave a comment saying you did so, I will be selecting five winners!

Step 1: Go to http://www.doyourpartner.com/
Step 2: Take the pledge.
Step 3: Come back here and let me know you did by commenting and clicking contest button.
Step 4: Probably most likely win.*

*Chances of winning are actually determined by the number of entries in the contest, not by me saying the probability.