I'm Not Supermom | Ask Your Dad Blog

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I'm Not Supermom



Stevie here. I'm the non-baby on the left in picture above. I've taken over John's blog this week because I want to introduce you to someone. She’s called Supermom. It’s a funny phrase people throw around to refer to moms that “do it all”. The soccer moms. The PTA presidents.The moms that make homemade meals from scratch every. damn. night. Whether or not we want to admit it, I think all moms have at least SOME desire to be that mom. Sure, it may not be cooking, or dealing with other PTA members that you covet. But you want that sense of order. You want to have (or seem like you have) your proverbial shit together. 

My discovery of Pinterest marked the beginning of my slow decent into “Supermom Madness.” As I perused pin after pin of perfectly decorated homes, labeled pantries, adorable laundry rooms, Montessori-style playrooms, recipes that require 40 ingredients and twice as many mom-minutes to make, I would frantically save them to my boards. My obsession grew. I collected pin after pin about indoor/outdoor activities with every age group imaginable, pins about how to clip coupons and save money on groceries, but then I couldn't eat those groceries because now I had pins that told me that I have to eat "super foods". Pins showing me how to make my food pretty, my kids pretty, my house pretty, my pretty pretty!!


Pretty All the Things! - I'm Not Supermom


It was exhausting

Now I will readily admit that those pins aren't logical. I’m sure the blogger that created it thought to herself “and now I will immortalize the last time this linen closet ever looks like this. Ever.” But I still looked at it and said to myself: that could be my life. That could be my linen closet! And that’s what filled my head every night when I went to bed. I wanted all the linen closets. I wanted all the bento lunches. The craft spaces, the spring outfits, the perfect party decorations with chalkboard labels and creative punches in amazing jars with hand-calligraphied signs. I wanted it all. And I couldn't have it. And it drove me nuts. 

I had to take a break. I ran away from Pinterest for a while. Other moms must have been feeling the same Pinterest burn out I was, because around the same time I fled from Pinterest I started seeing articles shared by friends and fellow moms about not being “Supermom”.  Just be ok with the mess, they would tell me. Don’t bother folding your kids’ clothes, they said. They’re just going to get tossed around anyway. Don’t spend time cleaning when you could be playing and having interactions with your kids! Enjoy the moment! 

So, being the sheep that I am, I listened. You’re right, article. I’m no Supermom. I’m just a regular mom with my two kids and my full-time job. I should just go with the flow. Messes will happen but we will survive. The clothes will still be clean if they aren't neatly folded. And I will be closer with my family because I will have spent quality time with them rather than cleaning!


Experience All the Things! - I'm Not Supermom


I’ll just fast-forward through the chaos here and tell you that it didn't go over well. Our mornings became a stressful shuffle of digging through what may or may not have been baskets of clean clothes, trying to find matching socks, searching through the kitchen to find my keys, John's keys, ANY KEYS WILL DO. But we can't because they are hiding underneath the unpaid, unopened bill on the counter that itself was underneath John’s belt. “JOHN I FOUND YOUR BELT!”

Our evenings became John frantically searching through the kitchen for something to make for dinner or pack for lunch the next day -  but we can’t  - because there’s yesterday’s dishes sitting in the sink, and a backpack? Seriously, who puts a backpack in the sink! 

Nice bed-time routines (you know, the part where the quality interaction with my kids is supposed to be happening) turned into grunted profanities because I unexpectedly had a toy rhinoceros embedded in the padding of my foot.

“Mom, why are you crying?”

“Because that rhinoceros is an asshole,” is not, under an circumstance, what I actually said. 

So yeah. It took having my foot impaled by a tiny safari animal to realize that this wasn’t working. I can’t be let-the-house-go-to-hell-so-I-can-live-in-the-moment-mom. I also can’t be Supermom. Well where does that leave me? 

I’ll tell you. If I knock of all the extras, it leaves me with “mom”. I’ll be mom

I’ll enjoy the moment. And I will fold socks. (Not that sock folding is a specific "mom job", it's just something I do.) I will be kind of spontaneous! I will be somewhat organized! And I will fail every once in a while! And I will forgive myself! And I will start sentences with “and!” 

I will run the race and not worry so much about finishing it. I do care. I love striving for that Supermom title. I loved making inspiration boards of things to do to the house. I love pinning cute outfits I’ll never be able to afford. MY LINEN CLOSET DESERVES PERFECTION, DAMMIT. PINTEREST, HONEY! I’M COMING HOME!!

I’m not Supermom. I never will be. But I can idolize those perfect, albeit pretend, Supermoms of Pinterest. I know I’ll never live in a world of perfect organization or herringbone accent walls, but I’d rather shoot for those stars and land on top of the world (yes, I just quoted Pitbull) than land in the gutter that was my house for a week. I can dream. And then I can wake up. And somewhere in-between, I can be mom



In-Between All The Things - I'm Not Supermom


PS - don't forget to come join the fun on the Ask Your Dad Blog Facebook page! We try to keep things neat and tidy there. But you know, Supermom.  

17 comments:

  1. Where the heck is your husband and why isn't he cleaning more!! That guy needs to pull his weight. What a jerk.

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  2. Love you. Just love you so much. That is all.

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  3. this is hilariously written-- all the way through to "herringbone accent walls". loved it! :)

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    1. You know you want herringbone accent walls. But too bad. You can't.

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  4. I love this post so much. I have decided that super mum is a myth. I have never met a supposed super mum who actually had ALL her shit together. Not one. I mean, look at Gwyneth. Things aren't always what they seem on Pinterest or Facebook.
    So I strive to be 'real' mum. The one who aspires to being better and improving all the time, but is OK with just being me. I hope we can all be a part of a 'real' mum movement where all we have to do is tell (and portray) the truth about our lives so that others may stop feeling inadequate and we can all just be inspired by each other.

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    1. Couldn't have put it better myself. We all need those real mom (mum) moments. I'll fully admit that I have taken pictures of my kids from very convenient angles so as not to see the real mess that's on the other side of the camera. Let's start a real mom movement! Photograph all the messes!

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  5. The moms who have pretty cleaned houses either don't have jobs or have a cleaner so don't compare yourself to them.

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  6. I'm sure MOM is more than enough for the family.
    My wife practically refuses to go on Pinterest for the same reasons you described.

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  7. Before I got to your pitbull quote, I was actually thinking "ah but at least you are driven to some sort of goal".. You hit the nail on the head with that one!
    It's all a balance of figuring out what is important, and what is necessary, and sometimes the backpack needs to be in the sink.

    Great work.. I hope you hijack John's blog more often... Or better yet.. Askyoumomblog.com ??

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    1. Admit it, you were pretty excited about that Pitbull quote. I am happy to say that the backpack found a hook in the coat closet. Let's see how often it goes there though. Duchess and Captain are in training.

      I plan on hijacking whenever the thought occurs to me. There's even my own little section in this joint (tab at the top - Ask Your Mom). But alas, I don't foresee an askyourmomblog.com in the very near future. But you never know!

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  8. I really loved this!! Thank you i needed to read this and help my self from the super mom obsession and guilt that comes with it! Thank you again!! Yes i agree id love to read a blog from you and i am not usually a blog reader!!

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    1. Well you should stick around because I'm certainly not going anywhere!

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  9. Great post, Stevie! John, I actually found this when it was shared to a mom friend's wall, rather than from your incessant self-promotion. Your wife writes good and is super!

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    1. Thanks Eric! I find you super.

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  10. Thank you for this! The swing towards magazine spread, Pinterest perfect lives wasn't realistic but the opposite direction is even worse. I'm hating all the Facebook shared articles and blog posts lately about how keeping the living room clean actually makes me a shitty mom because it takes up time that would better be spent bringing my children joy. What about my joy? I love the vacuum lines in the carpet! I don't pretend to live in Martha's house but geez, there's nothing wrong with putting a little effort into keeping a tidy, healthy home. And then I'll help my toddler mess it up and repeat.

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  11. I love everything about this. I think the term "super mom" is truly just your ability to find what works for you and for your family, even if that changes on a daily basis.

    (This is also why I never, ever Pinterest anymore!)

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