Just When Things Were Looking Up - Dad Gets Kicked | Ask Your Dad Blog

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Just When Things Were Looking Up - Dad Gets Kicked


Dear Ask Your Dad Readers,

I have some unfortunate news. I am John's wife. That's not the unfortunate news. The unfortunate news is that my husband broke his hand this past weekend. He plays goal keeper for our indoor soccer team and, despite not looking at all like a soccer ball, some dude confused his hand for one. He immediately knew it was broken (read: small bones were clicking around in his hand) so, of course, he decided to keep playing. Because he's a "man". And that's what "men" do. Men also have shorter life-spans. I'm just sayin'.  Eventually, a teammate drove him to the hospital, and I, despite having my all-girl fantasy football draft that evening, made the selfless decision to meet them at the ER. That's love.

After a not-so-terrible-for-an-ER wait, we had a few nurses, medical assistants, and janitors randomly come into our room. Each one informed us that they were just "borrowing" some supplies and each time, John told them "that's ok, we're not using them anyways". Not a single one of them laughed at his joke.

When the doctor finally came in, he asked "What can I do for you?" which really struck me as an odd question to begin with, but not nearly as odd as my husband's response, which was: "I could really use some drugs, to be honest with you." Don't worry dear, you're not coming off as a druggie looking for a fix. Nope, not at all.

Luckily, his request seemed more reasonable to the doctor when the x-rays came back. John had a fractured fourth metacarpal that would require surgery. Shit.

x-ray

My concerns immediately focused on how this would impact me. I'm a good wife like that. You see, if not for my husband, our daughter and I would not eat. He does all of the cooking. I run the risk of lighting a bowl of Cheerios on fire any time I step in the kitchen. Needless to say, the next few weeks are going to be an interesting culinary experience for our family.

His initial concern was that we're 11 weeks away from from the birth of our boy-bun, and despite the bonus of not having to change diapers, he really wants to be able to hold him with two good hands. He's a good husband like that. Now that we've met with the surgeon and been assured that we are only looking at six weeks for a full recovery, he's more bummed about you folks.

That's right, despite the fact that he is going into surgery, his main concern is that he'll have a hard time doing the blog. Having his hand sliced open doesn't bug him. But the man is determined. He may be a little slower at typing, but with my help, a guest post or two, and the assistance of the ever inaccurate text-to-speech capabilities built into Windows, we will do our best to continue with your regularly scheduled Ask Your Dad Blog posts. That, of course, includes our Five Dollar Fridays (which, by the way, we had a GREAT response to last week, so thank you, thank you, thank you!)

Love,

Wife (Mom)

And now, without further ado, a message from John:

Hi. Typing with my left hand is difficult. - Dad


Who has two thumbs and gets to have surgery on Thursday?

20 comments:

  1. Yikes! Hope your surgery goes well and you're back to blogging, cooking, holding your kids - and wife - very soon! :)

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  2. Good luck! I hope all goes well!

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  3. Hi John's Wife,

    Make sure your hubby doesn't milk his situation to much. Guys are like that. Anytime you ask him to do something and he reminds you about his hand (and he will), just point to your tummy and say, "When you start carrying around a human that crushes your organs, intestines, lumbar spine and prostate, we'll talk. hehehe Hope you get better Johm, you're my favorite blogger!

    Taylor

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  4. Thanks Taylor! Don't worry, he'll get his in 11 weeks when I milk the hell out of:

    "I need a box of Oreos. And you can't argue because I just gave birth to our child".

    Wife

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  5. One plus: he can't pull the "I just had surgery" card for too long, because pretty soon your "I just had your baby" card will trump everything!

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  6. My favorite part of this post is when Wife (Mom) says she had her all-girl fantasy football draft. Not sure if that means people draft a bunch of girls they fantasize about or that it's a girl-only fantasy football league, but either way, I LIKE IT.

    Hope you get better soon, John. But even when you are fully back in action, I suggest you let your wife continue to have a guest spot or two. Funny stuff!

    - Dad and Buried
    www.dadandburied.com

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  7. Wow - hope your hand heals up quickly!

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  8. Good luck and quick healing.

    Also, Wife, nice to meet you. I hope your guest appearances are a regular thing even after Dad's hand heals; because you're funny and I like your style. You have a bunch of talented and wonderful people in your house.

    Having seen evidence of this for both of you through text, I know that the fate of the world is in good hands. Well...I guess we're one hand short at this point.

    Thank you for all the wonderful words.

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    1. Nice to meet you too Elayna! I think I will be sticking around :)

      And yes, when our children take over the world, it will be in good hands. Fully functioning ones, hopefully. Though John's hand is partially bionic at this point so maybe that's better?

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  9. 6 weeks for full recovery? so we should see him back with the Betty Whites in about 2-3 weeks.

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    1. I'll be there next weekend for sure. Just don't tell my wife. :P (The Betty Whites is our soccer team)

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  10. Way to go Mom/Wife. Love your style. Feed him some pain pills and take over for a while.

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    1. Thank you! I will be for a little while. Though we'll have to see if pain-med John is funnier than 1 whiskey John. He may just have to do a post to see :)

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  11. Good luck with the surgery, I hope you heal quickly....as for the blog? I wouldn't mind reading more from Wife (Mom)...you, lady? Are just as funny as Dad :)...seriously speedy rocovery.

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    1. Thanks Elaine! Our children are doomed to be snarky and sarcastic. But with any luck, they'll still be nice.

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  12. Good luck with your surgery! no worries, just get well! Although, typos can be fun. lol

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  13. First off I would like to mention that I adore you both. I think you wife (mom) should also run a blog because I did very much enjoy your post and would delight in reading both of your posts. Secondly I would like to say that I hope you (Dad) feel better soon. You guys are great people and yours is one of two blogs that I actually follow. The only one I like, the other I just creep on when I feel like getting angry cause I disagree with the man but I can't stop lol. Anyways your blog is amazing and I wish you the best of luck! Feel better soon! Oh and I loved your message at the end lol.

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    1. Thanks David! The thought has occurred to me to start Ask Your Mom blog but then what if me and my husband become Internet nemeses? What then? For now, I will just continue to make random appearances here, where apparently I am very welcome.

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  14. John,
    Were you HOLDING the soccer ball when the player kicked your hand? He might have just been trying to steal it. :+)

    Seriously, I hope you heal quickly.

    If you have any questions about fatherhood, changing diapers, etc... look me up, been there, done that.

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  15. Poor guy, get well soon! That happened to my dad a few years back. If they treat you like they treated him, you get to have a piece of metal holding the bits together, and your hand will be magnetic from the inside. Which may be a cool bonus?

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